All right, friends, we’re now going to review BaDoink VR’s latest effort: Call Girl On Fire, starring Ms. Regina Crystal.
So, the BaDoink boys have been on quite a horny roll: and many in the VR porn community agree that their recent effort, Zoe Doll’s Heart-Shaped Ass, set the technical standard that the other companies would have to emulate.
For my part, I see all the VR companies improving… and, based upon their Zoe Doll VR, I do think it’s fair to say that this is the present standard.
And, good news for BaDoink VR subscribers because I see they’re bringing back double feature week! On the level, this is pretty awesome. I remember last time they did it during the winter.
Basically, you get two VRs a week. So, at the very least they’ll be one on Feb. 29 and March 3rd. Last time, they ran double features for a number of weeks. We’ll see how it plays out this time…
Anyway, folks… don’t let me get ahead of myself. Let’s stay in the moment, man! Let’s see how they do with this one…
Okay, so I know folks like their too long didn’t read summaries. And, hey… I’m bending to the roar of the masses. You guys have broken my spirit, man!
So, here you go:
How was that for a summary, guys? Everybody says I write so much, but I’m here to show the world: I can write summaries too, man!
Okay, so… let’s see how the BaDoink boys describe their latest effort (lightly-edited):
” …when Regina walks into your hotel room, she knows exactly what she’s supposed to do. This is no average call girl; this exotic babe is here to please you with every available body part…”
BaDoink's Call Girl On Fire synopsis
All right, so the whole call girl dealio taps into a certain fantasy portion of the man brain… you know, the whole notion of a no-strings-attached penal plunge into a fancy, high-quality pootanannie… I mean, how couldn’t this capture the male imagination?
Moving along… I sense you’re wondering my method to these VR porn reviews. Well, I basically babble for a while about anything and then add a few pictures.
But, seriously folks…
I do these reviews based upon three main factors:
…ain’t nobody want to see a VR porn starring Rosie!
Hey, these are just the facts of life, man! For a VR porn to succeed, a pretty gal is a must. And, we evaluate the female performer based upon appearance, performance, grooming, accessories, belly-flatness, hair-straightness, skinnyness, authenticity and other intangibles that can’t be expressed.
But, we try, man! Oh, lordy… do we try…
2. The scaling: do things look correct and proportional? This is also damn important. Perhaps the most important factor.
Because, you could get a 20 year old Pam Anderson in her red, Baywatch bathing suit… and, she could pull that bathing suit aside and shove a big, black dildo up yonder…
…but, if the dildo appears to be the size of a toothpick while her tulip looks like the Holland tunnel… well, it just doesn’t work…
3. Positioning: of the women and cameras. Close-ups are much-desired. It’s also great to get some variety of sexual positions. And, did I mention that close-ups are much desired. Oh, yea… I just remembered something I wanted to add: CLOSE-UPS ARE MUCH DESIRED!
All right, my usual charm is now turning to obnoxiousness. And, I’m sorry for that. But, I’m tired. I’ve been writing nonstop for the past ten hours. And, when I tried to take a break… boss man beat, man!
All right, let’s talk about what was done right in this movie and where there’s room for improvement:
1. Regina Crystal: she’s a pretty brunette with a cool name. And, she ain’t shy about shoving her pink tunnel at the VR rig. Oh, Regina… I want to take a trip down your lady tunnel!
Regina’s got that girl-next-door look. Oh, I like that. A LOT! You know… there’s what I call a pornified look. I think we all know what that means… and, then sometimes you encounter a porn gal who just looks like the sort of natural, good-looking gal that you might see on a college campus.
Well, Regina’s your coed type…
2. Scaling and Perspective: I really want to emphasize the excellence of this movie’s scale. GENIUS! Why do I feel so strongly about this?
I’ll tell you… when a big, real-world scale is achieved, it makes all the difference… All the difference between cowgirl and blowjob footage making you furiously weed-wack or simply put your headset away.
It really matters. A LOT.
And, the BaDoink boys have gotten really good at these close-tight camera positionings: which produce a weenie-hardening big, real world feel.
This is hard to explain in words. You really have to see it. But, like I said, when it’s done correctly even the blowjob footage is really horny! And, even reverse cowgirl is HORNY because it feels so much more real.
I know I’m probably not describing this well… and, it’s not easy to describe. But, well done BaDoinkVR! KEEP ON FILMING IN THIS MANNER! Film Gina Gerson like this damn it!!!
3. The cowgirling: Like I said above about the scale… VR cowgirl is so horny when the camera is tight and the woman fills the FOV…
4. The self-service pootanannie close-ups: oh, this is good stuff! And, the sounds that the audio picks up! You guys must have one hell of a microphone, man!
So, basically… what BaDoink gave here was great.
This VR stuff is starting to trick the brain more and more into believing…
My only real complaint would be that a bit of doggy footage would have been nice… that’s about it. And, well… some bikini teasing and more face close-ups… but, you know… I pretty much always say that…
And, now it’s your time to declare: I want to pay Regina to cowgirl me in VR!