February 12, 2016
Friends, today we’re going to discuss Virtual Taboo’s latest effort: a sologal VR starring Ms. Blondie Fesser.
Now, we last saw Ms. Fesser in an intriguing performance for BaDoinkVR: in which she’s getting harassed by that no-good bastard Big Man. As I’ve said before, “Leave my Blondie baby alone you Big Man bastard!”
Now, also note that performance earned Blondie first place in the Most Creative VR Porn Movies of 2015 Awards.
So, this gal’s already familiar with the VR rig. Good. And, we’re talking first place, man! In a FINDVRPORN contest! That carries some weight, man!
This time out, Blondie sports a slightly different look: one I call glam-horny.
If you just observe her innocent face and flowing, blonde hair: you’d think she’s the knockout blonde of an elementary school teacher.
You know the one.
Yea, that’s right. The one who gives a prudish impression that her backdoor smells like roses. But, when a man fella gets her legs spread, she’s soon screaming, “Shove it in harder!”
I’m trying to explain this…
God, I’m messing this up already. But, I want to express this idea: because in the movie’s opening, Blondie’s sitting and somehow projecting a demure vibe.
An amazing achievement considering her watermelons are falling out of their wrapper… and, her skirt barely covers her Argentinian goodies…
But, it’s through facial expressions, man!
I tell you… this defies explanation.
And, the scientists have tried… but, this isn’t a social psychology lecture! She looks like a dirty-leg whore who gets plowed by strangers in public bathrooms on the regular… and, she also seems like an unintentionally sexy schoolteacher. Oh, women are tricky!
I may not be explaining that well. But, sexuality is mysterious like outer space… and, at least I’m trying, man! You don’t understand outer space either, man!
I love this sort of contradictory gal. There’s just something so damn horny about seeing a woman—who’s demeanor projects sexual restraint—getting plowed spread-eagled like a barroom floosie.
It reminds us that, no matter how unsexual any woman seems, deep-down, she wants to get thrown down and doinked vigorously… Blondie, of course, is very sexual.
By unsexual, I’m thinking of Adrian from Rocky I. You will notice that as Rocky gets richer, ole Adrian gets more glamorous!
Now, as mentioned, this present VR is being released by a new VR squad. VR porn needs new folks entering.
I first came across these folks a few months back. I watched their work. Honestly, there were some shortcomings to it, but you know… that’s usually so with first efforts.
But, I saw potential. Additionally, I liked how Marcos kept appearing in the NSFW subreddit asking for opinion. And, I liked how they sought my thoughts.
My impression was that these pervs were going to release some great stuff…so, I gave them their own page and review.
And, honestly… after watching this Blondie VR, I was right. I’m not saying that like an I told you so sort of guy.
All right, first let’s get a couple things out of the way. Here’s the VR’s official synopsis:
“Blondie Fesser shows you what’s under that dress. CAUTION, CURVES AHEAD!”
That’s pretty… wait for it… to-the-point. I like that.
Generally, I edit the official description for clarity and brevity. Not necessary here, folks. I give that synopsis an A+.
Hey, buy this VR, folks! Why? Because, man… did you see what a great job they did with the synopsis!
Okay, let me now tell you the three main factors that determine these VR reviews:
1. The woman: you know, the simple truth: it all comes down to the gal. I mean… the world’s best VR techniques ain’t gonna make a Jessica Alba out of a Rosita O’Donnell.
So, the woman’s evaluated based upon her appearance, performance, enthusiasm and professional proficiency. We like a good-looking gal who gives an authentic-feeling performance,
2. The scaling: do things look correct and proportional? Or, does her head look like a bloated pinata balanced atop a Corona bottle?
3. Positioning: of the woman and cameras.
Are there enough close-ups? Close-ups are crucial! And, in particular, consensus is that close-ups on the woman’s face are especially important. This is one area that certainly distinguishes VR porn from its two-dimensional counterpart.
1. Solo gal: you know, I’m realizing sologal VRs are—as the hipsters say—the bomb.
Watching CzechVR’s recent work, in particular, reaffirms this impression.
These solo performances seem made for virtual reality.
Soon, a company will do nothing but solo stuff with close-up camera work. And, mark my words… they’ll be wildly successful if they execute properly.
2. Blondie Fesser: It’s no secret that I’m a Blondie fan.
But, then again… are you a heterosexual man? If so, then chances are you appreciate Blondie also. Blondie’s the type of gal that ten out of ten men would—if given the chance—fuck without hesitation.
And, I’ve decided to include homosexual men in that figure as well. Blondie’s pretty face and magical hooha have the power to convert. I’m sure of it…
In the movie’s opening, Blondie sits and manages to simultaneously project the vibe of an insatiable whore and a prudish schoolteacher.
Now, I don’t want to get into another semantic clusterfuck here…. I mean…. this is a VR porn review blog… this ain’t Willie Buckley’s political review journal…
But, it’s important: because it’s what makes Blondie special.
I mean… this is beyond coquettish.
When I see Blondie on that chair in her hooker skirt and skimpy shirt… let’s pretend she were willing… I wouldn’t even have the patience to undress her.
Just lift that skirt, pull her bra down and pump: while squeezing those out-of-control boob ballooons.
Granted, I’d get 1.5 pumps before my pen lost its ink. But, that’d be okay, because you’d just have to look at those big tits for thirty seconds and your funstick would experience an uncontrollable resurrection.
So, you get the idea: Blondie’s very horny-inspiring.
3. Blondie’s boobie bouncers: yep, most discussions of Blondie Fesser quickly return to these things!
And, the boys got the camera CLOSE to those insane juggernauts!
Whether Blondie was playing with them while they busted from her red bra…. I mean, Blondie’s got to order special-reinforced bras to support those monsters!
…Or, the close-ups while lotion-rubbing those gargantuan entities…. I mean, you get the idea… Gal’s got gorgeous tits!
4. Blondie’s HUGE nipples: yep, when you got nipples like that, they get their own bullet point!
5. Blondie’s chatter: Oh man, Blondie gives a horny monologue as she does stuff to her luscious lady body. In Blondie’s words, she’s going to rub her “poooosy.” Oh, Blondie baby… there’s some fellas who want to help you with your pooooooosy.
6. Blondie’s baseball bat dildo: Friends, I’ll tell you… I never claimed to be a dildo expert. And, I still don’t make that claim.
But, I’ll be damned if Blondie’s dildo don’t look like a mini baseball bat!
7. Blondie’s outfit: God, that’s so horny! And, what is it about thigh-high stockings on a beautiful blonde! Works every time!
8. Camera work: I’ll tell you friends, in their first efforts, they received a lot of feedback concerning their camera approach. The summary: get closer!
Well, they listened.
They stuck that camera in Blondie’s face… everywhere!
There’s one section, beginning at 26:00, where the beautiful blonde’s standing-up baseball-bat-dildoing and the perspective is glorious!
9. Blondie’s solo masturbation: This movie was all about Blondie teasing and masturbating. That works just fine.
10. Twenty nine minutes: Friends, this ain’t no skimpy video. There’s twenty nine minutes of Blondie teasing and masturbating…
What about this movie could have been improved?:
1. Clear the background: you know, this might sound nitpicky, but there’s a bright painting behind Blondie’s head.
It’s a bit distracting. Use a solid color background… or, with a blonde gal: hang a black sheet directly behind her.
2. More face close-ups: so, I earlier discussed how they kept the camera close, etc. And, here I am asking for more face close-ups.
Well, if you read this blog, you know I’m always asking for this. I’d like to have the camera at a distance where Blondie’s face fills the frame. And, I’d like the camera to stay there for five minutes as she gives her JOI dialogue.
3. More JOI: friends, JOI is the acronym for jerk off instructions.
And, granted, this JOI stuff tops the pervy meter, but it provides awesome, monkey-spanking fun times.
Now, don’t get me wrong… Blondie did a fine job of horny dialoguing, which she somehow maintained for thirty minutes…
And, it was good stuff. But, I would like to see the five-minute face close-up with an explicit JOI dialogue: meaning Blondie giving specific instructions to the fella veiwer.
4. Bikini dance: I want to see Blondie put on a pink bikini… and lots of close-ups as she dances around.
Friends, all things considered, this is a breakthrough VR.
As I anticipated, they’ve quickly jumped their game to the next level. I look forward to their next release. And, if you dig beautiful blonde gals in solo VR, I recommend this Blondie Fesser release.